Tata Sky said "An alcoholic truck driver en route to a rehab center meets an array of characters including a man hating proof reader and 2 gay men all heading to the same rehab center".
How I discovered this at 230 am, don't ask, but I couldn't believe my eyes. It just sounded like something I wish I had thought of. I started watching midway, so this might not be the actual story....
Oh yeah and SPOILER WARNING. In case you actually happen to come across Mohare somewhere and want to watch it without me killing the suspense, you should kind of skip the last paragraph or so of this review, because it's more like a running commentary of the story.
Sexy Nana Patekar + Sexy Madhuri + Chubby Sadashiv Amrapurkar (of Ishq, Gupt, Coolie no 1 infamy), Chubby Gay guy 1 who has wet dreams about fighting with Nana dressed as Amitabh Bacchan from Coolie, guess he likes tough love. Also "artistic" gay guy 2 who dreams of making paintings of Nana. Anupam Kher is 'major saab' in kinky books. Sadashiv is his bitch who likes dressing like a construction worker. AK wants to kill them and take their insurance money somehow and SA's plans only involve them falling off cliffs.
Madhuri hates men because of almost being raped by her father figure - lechy bald uncle in baniyan (who she knocks out with the slightest touch of a bookcase, I have the exact same one, I shall remember its rapist disarming potential). She's in love with poet Dilip Kumar lookalike who is just fucking gross. AK sends them on menial tasks like buying candles for his birthday cake which they treat as the most fulfilling task ever and shout "YAAAAAAAA!" at everything and drive off in their mini-truck which looks like the mystery machine and is covered with paper flowers and streamers and the number plate is BMT 666 (fucking metchul!). Oh, and they also sing and dance while going for this task. Gay guy 1 struts, Madhuri Shakes, poet just tries to brood and be sexy. This is obviously the fancy of someone who did, in fact get distracted on his way to rehab. But bad trip happens! Eve teasers are after Madhuri! Nana is everyone's sexy protector (before you think I have some bizarre Nana Patekar fetish, have you SEEN him in Salaam Bombay?) who makes Gayboy1's dream come true by fighting and sweating and being sexy to save Madz from the leches (GB1 does his part by showing them the finger). They all return unharmed despite an accident and they seem to have delayed rehab plans to party instead. Alok Nath randomly appears as a padre in a terrible costume, giving benevolent looks to the motley crew.
The cake mysteriously survives their crash. Everyone is tripped out as usual, arty GB2 suggests body painting as a party game. They all cheer YAAAAAAAA again and Madz sings a song. She's in love with broody poet and is talking about her pehla pyar and all that. They all do their dancing bear/happy drunk/exaggerated 80s filmy expressions.
Shanno asks - "WTF has Major Saab dome to deserve all this?"
GB1 is obviously trying to get Nana drunk and get in his pants or sneakily cuddle with him again at night. AK is eyeing Madhuri and her lover with some faraway look. Maybe guilt at trying to kill all these innocent fuck ups?
GB1's favourite step is a thumka, now he's screaming "Don't touch me! I hate you!" and something about (his own) balatkari nazarein and hits Nana and falls at his feet/crotch, basically blaming his sexiness for his descent into some sort of shameful spiral of sin. GB1, the chubby bugger is basically BTing everyone.
SA tells everyone to STFU and sleep in the van and plans to burn them all alive. Alok Nath reappears when some man deposits an orphan with him (molestation is going to happen! I'm sure!) and he inquires about the fuck ups.OK SPOILERS COMING UP!
We're speculating now whether Alok Nath had a vision of 4 of them dying or whether they all are ghosts or whether Alok Nath himself is tripping.
Ok, so apparently they all are dead. AK is feeling guilty and seeing Madhuri's apparition everywhere. AK is now singing a guilt trip song and fondly remembering his fuck ups who he seems to have had a soft spot for despite wanting them all dead. Also appears is ghost of the real Major Saab who he killed. AK is now taking lots of shots of whiskey and singing "Ek lamha toh bina dard ke guzar jaye" wah wah!
SA is getting drunk at a bar and listening to Funky Town. A cop chases him for a bit and loses interest.
SA reveals that they've run away from jail, he shaves his mustache so as to be unrecognizable.
AK - "Mujhe paise nahi azadi chahiye azadi!"
SA is bribing some Mr. Makhija and AK is looking at slides of happy moments with the fuck ups and BTing out. Mr Makhija appears to be a police informer but SA is too clever and beats up a cop and steals his uniform. His cop car fails some way down the road so he hitches a ride (he only knows how to fuck up cars but not fix them!), yup, best way to lose the police. The padre now swears to avenge the murders except SA kicks the shit out of him and steals his outfit. AK kneels before the "father" and confesses his guilt, but it is SA who hears all! A gun in AK's pocket - more homoeroticism.
The polices' only trail of these guys is cigarette butts, btw. The final reveal of how the murders took place and then AK sets SA on fire and surrenders himself to the police.
Khel khatam, paisa hajam.
Sorry for the half assed blog. But you MUST watch this movie. Look out for it on late night Zee Cinema.
1 comment:
Everyone should have an anti-rapist bookcase device. I'm ordering mine as we speak.
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