(Disclaimer: Ok, so this is yet another one of those "I'm grumpy and I hate going to college and I'm going to bitch out everyone and everything" posts. If you've read this blog before you know how this goes so don't complain later. If you're new, you've been warned)
So it's 730 and I just got on the metro. I've had a total of 8 hours of sleep in the past 2 days and I've been on campus for 7 hours , several hours more than I was supposed to or cared to be. I was waiting to attend a meeting that should have lasted for an hour but lasted 3. Why? Because of semantics, post modernism, post structuralism, post colonialism and by now I'm so past the post that I am post-post. I have beef with smart people. People who are probably 2x smarter than me, more qualified, more conscientious, more concerned and mostly have 2x more degrees than I ("Now he's bigger than me, taller than me And he's older than me and stronger than me And his arm's a little bit longer than me But he ain't on a JB song with me"). They ultimately want the same things and ultimately say the same things but two step around them like awkward teenagers at a party compelled by the same forces of hormones and romantic fluff to want each other but pretend not to be ("stop making the eyes at me and I'll stop making the eyes at you, but what it is that surprises me is that I don't really want you to"). All I want is my bed and a jotta (banao banao). Usually I'd think it's just me, but none of the other first sems care either, all of us with varying levels of initial interest, varying educational and professional backgrounds and varying ages just sat there exchanging bewildered looks and snide comments written on our hands while longtime inhabitants of the intellectual jungle exchanged politely phrased caustic remarks and debated endlessly over the phrasing and sequence of the same theme and idea (for a conference).
"Apples, Oranges and Bananas. OR Apples: Oranges and Bananas or maybe just Oranges and Bananas because Apples would be too constricting as a theme."
Ok so my rant was interrupted by my arrival at Rajiv Chowk and by a sweet girl inquiring about what I study etc, she was a sciency and wanted to know the scope with history. I told her what I knew and that I like it and am confused (response for everything). I was sitting on the floor, writing on a paper with a picture of a flexed burial on one side with two fat spiral bound readers on my lap, so she confused me for an intelligent, knowledgeable young person with a bright future (people need to stop imagining me to be things I'm not).
The other thing that momentarily calmed my ranting mood was walking through the crowd, listening to loud music and pretending I'm in a movie (zen tip for public transport #1). So here's 1 good thing about today - I got to fulfill the long term childhood fantasy of smoking in class (during the meeting).
Diving right back into the pool of exaggerated self pity and irrational anger...
Look, I'm not a responsible person by any definition. The only responsibility I ever took on was my low key, low fuss, low expectation job of coordinating my film/photography society in college which I shared with 4 other lovely ladies. We were mostly left alone to decide our P.O.A and conducted our business as we saw fit and weren't concerned or disheartened by what the reception was. We just liked to smoke and sit in our dark room watching movies that we wanted to watch with mostly just ourselves, some loyal friends and much blessed curious late-stayers in college. Other than that I'm terrible at being extra-curricular and even worse at making myself an active part of the institutions I attend. I went because I had to wait anyway for my readings (one more good thing, the photostatwalla, A. Da is a chiller) and the seniors I like asked me to attend since it was a collective decision thing. But clearly I do not have the patience for debate where "heavy words are so lightly thrown" (ok, I'll stop quoting lyrics out of context, but this was too easy!). Most of the ground rules set by the organizers to keep discussion on track went to the dogs. I didn't get the high school type cold vibes (towards each other), I didn't get the refusal to compromise, I didn't get the nitpicking and more likely is that I just don't get arguments (not quarrels) and debate. But I guess us silent ones were right because in the end they just agreed on having all the apples oranges and banans they started with and making a nice little fruit salad.
There you go, that is all.
I shall go watch Bones (Ma says Dr. Brennan is like me. I'm more an Emily than a Zooey) and pass out before I have to get up and return to my mountain of texts.
10 comments:
Four days to friday bro don't worry. We'll meet the parents.
I don't know if you've noticed, but your writing has gotten better. , i wonder what it is about being at a good school, maybe it's just being around really imaginative minds? is the quality of education at harvard really that much better than appalachian state? probably not. but the presence of quality, fertile imagination almost certainly is (function of class, leisure, money, sure). you'll have the swag of being a 'x university'er forever. that's just how the world works. in cliquish retrospect.
i like your criticism of hoity toity echelons of academia, but the most trenchant critics of academese oriented verbiage at ivies are ivies themselves. also your posts are dense with highbrow references and slang. if that isn't the textbook definition of post-modern, idk what is (heyyy). bollywood and modern indian history. crunk and saul williams. chuck berry and thelonious monk.
in this post-structural, post post post alone, in order - justin bieber, the smiths, bones and stina nordenstam. which is all good. my comments on your posts are just the equivalent of my wanting to grab 21 yr olds by the shoulder and give them a good hard shake. which isn't fair. but then life, etc..
last, i congratulate you on your musical taste. how ironic then, that you sign off with I'm more an Emily than a Zooey. it's fine to be a self hating socialite instead of an awkward type of girl. schadenfreude is another matter.
Sapera, (y'know like main teri dushman dushman tu mera main nagin tu sapera sapera ;))
1) Thank you. I haven't noticed my writing sounding different but its great that you think I'm getting better.
2) As for my current academic life, well yes I'm getting my ass handed to me so I guess it counts as intellectual stimulation. And its good for me in the long run probably.
3) My criticism was more for having to a pointless meeting. And also that smart people need to be more openminded, take themselves way less seriously and try to not always be running the rat race all the time. I'm not advocating my slacker work ethic but they need to see beyond themselves at some point. The ones I like at my centre are the ones who are chillers and were open to ideas and calm and not on the offense all the time. But honestly I hardly know anyone. Maybe I'll be friends with the people I was grumbling about and be totally embarrassed by this later, who knows. 4) Honestly I have very little idea what most of the posts mean. And I'm not being humble or ironic, I really don't know. I mean I've read about them but its like economics it's all a blur to me. Which is why I find it fun to make fun of people who use the posts so often. Its because they're big words that most people don't understand but still use. I dont, because I don't understand them
5) as for diversity or being post modernist myself, I can't recognize it myself, I don't do analysis on me, someone else will have to decontruct me and tell me where I fit (Dev - Harriet ko bol, woh free nahi toh uska beta chalega :D)
6) Yes, I do have good taste, don't I? I didn't quite understand what you said about Zooey and Emily. Zooey's (and of course I mean Zooey as a character) the kind of girl I'd fantasize about because she's all pretty and shit. Bones I'd love to be bffs with.
7) Lastly, I'm quite sure that you'd love to give 21 year olds a good,hard...something...shake was it? But yes life isn't fair.
ai ai ai, sexual innunendo. although that is consistent with your 'about me' manifesto. what isn't (at least not clearly) is the unpretentious and uncompromising bit. what pretensions do you avoid? what are you uncompromising about?
you have phenomenal taste.
yeah many times post structural and structual are used in almost the same way..it's just a limitation of language, not to mention the failure of people to appropriately use them. kinda like 'regardless' or 'irregardless', or uk vs us english issues which i think probably baffles most indian scholars (if they'd only admit it). i just recently discovered 'moot' means something wildly different in america. also 'normative' - sociology vs econ usage, ugh. i wish people in india were more willing to admit when they don't know things. i guess, it's symptomatic of a larger malaise in india, where you just have to 'get with it' even you don't fully grasp it. you kinda aren't allowed to say - 'but..i don't understand..?' life in india is more harsh and darwinian. that stinks. whatev.
you'll be fine. always remember, slackers unite.
I'm uncompromising in my dislike of pretentious people. And what that pretentious is is something for me to know and other people to strive not to be. :D
"People in India" are more likely to say uski ma ki chut than admit they are wrong. I am one of those people. I think fear of seeming stupid or lagging behind is universal though.
The stranger missed you
Thank you stranger, it's good to hear the lurkers speak up once in a while.
I'm feeling way too tired to even attempt to sound intelligent right now. Three words: Love. This. Post.
I can empathize, I've had about ten hours of sleep during the past two weeks. College is clearly a giant blackhole that's sucked my life into nothingness. Course coordinators have an unneccessary need to prolong meetings that are pointless in the first place. Also, I think it's great you've taken up History Hons. I was leaning towards it..but then I leant away. Gah.
Aditi,
http://mysartorialsecrets.blogspot.com/
Thanks. :)
I've floated into History Hons and now my M.A because that's just how it went. I do really like my subject though. What are you studying?
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