10th September
Just watched the Double. There's this beautiful scene where Simon is telling James about how he feels invisible. I love how Richard Ayoade is so crystal clear about his concepts, it's stylized to perfection, but not in an annoying way, but the whole world has this oppressive atmosphere, which is so surreal and beautiful on film to watch. The lighting is immaculate, like when he's on the train. And you don't see sunlight and the sky. And little gestures and things like a light fluctuating tell you that the whole world is conspiring against you.
The atmosphere is sort of Delicatessan's colours mixed with Kafka and Brazil.
5th September
I've made the mistake of sitting down and the exhaustion has turned my legs into dead weights. The fan is buzzing in my head, I can hear peoples voices echoing in this hall where they're now setting up lunch buffet and I'm totally dazed and cant recognize any words. Typical of my state when I'm just about to fall asleep. And now my fingers cant even move.
Was up till 330 drinking at Boss' house after dinner at a clients. Yeah, I know that's weird. The client is a she-demon who has made our lives miserable for the longest time and decided to 'show her gratitude' to us i.e invite us to a 'dinner' which was actually a way for her to suck ideas from us and treat us as a focus group while lubricating us with alcohol, which we ever so gratefully accepted, drinking her entire bottle of Glenfiddich and then going for the black label. I bolted up in bed instinctively when Shanks walked in at 515 to make coffee and pick up car keys.
I'm listening to out of tune teachers sing Bollywood oldies in MBK. The 12th graders are all dressed up and too busy taking pictures. Now they're all standing up and dancing in the back. I feel surprisingly warm looking around at these kids who are just about to leave school and most of their school year consists of taking pictures. I remember every event was a big deal when I was in the 12th because it was 'the last'.
Its all very surreal and amusing. I kind of feel like I'm floating in someone else's dream. We have chunks of free time in the middle and I'm just walking around the campus. I can't sit because I'll fall asleep. So I put on the raincoat and walk in the rain and observe the kids and the teachers. There's a tattoo wali ma'am wearing a black and white sari with a low backed blouse, I think the tattoo is a butterfly. I think she's a sardarni, she's tall and sturdy and pretty, but not in a floozy way like some crushyworthy schoolteachers are.
The boys are all dressed identically in kurtas and super tight nehru jacket/waistcoats and churidars. They're so funny the way they walk around together, preening. There's a kid with One Direction hair (actually there are several, the boys in this school have a weird penchant for hair flipping even when I was a kid) with at least 3 of his buttons open and a completely hairless chest peeking through. In general he's more hairless and groomed than I am. He's peacocking around on the basketball court. The senior girls are in blingy saris and ridiculous heels they can't walk in. They're all complimenting each other and squealing and taking pictures. The awkwardness and self consciousness is so much fun and strangely touching and nostalgic to watch, not that that stuff goes anywhere, it stays with you, you just stop being such a dumbass.
Its like being in a Coppolaesque teen movie but less angsty. More Bling Ring (some pretty affluent kids dressed like they're in a music video) than Virgin Suicides. I think teens are fascinating. I watched Palo Alto (Gia Coppola) again just now and yeah, it's pretty standard stuff, but it's shot and acted well by the kids. And wouldn't I wish I had a little Jack Kilmer to hang out with when I was in school (he's 19, I'm allowed to think he's hot). The Fred character seemed a composite of the psycho boys everyone knows who could be fun but were total assholes and you might feel sorry for later on.
I talk to some middle school kids about their teachers. Some of them are giggling and telling the others to be 'honest'. One badass writes 'My teachers are mean and I don't like them' or something like that on a card. I'm surprised at how confident these kids are. Like as soon as I point my camera at them they perform. Albeit with that typical classroom passage reading voice - 'thank you teachers for encouraging me. You are like my second mothers and you are always there for me' type stuff.
Its weird being here reminds me of random things from my school days, like how it felt to take off my shoes at the end if a day, like I can feel the exact hot feeling at the soles of my feet, or how my clothes smelled, a bit like they'd just been ironed, filled with dust and sweat.
Oh god these teachers are really out of tune. And off beat. Now the mic is screeching.
21 Aug (the black notebook)
Rereading John Peel's autobiography because I needed a friend. Having some pretty sophomoric thoughts re:fame and the feeling of closeness to a public figure, in light of Peel and listening to Oasis and Wolf Alice and maybe Robin Williams' death. Not sure if I can articulate it all (postscript: I couldn't). I feel close to Peel when I read the book, not just because I relate to a few things from his early life and his ideas. But also because I feel a genuine warmth radiating from everything he says, he was a sort of shy person who could be heard by millions of people and make an impact in their little daily lives and transmit that warmth to them. And he made me smile while reading in the metro. And of course that so much of the music I listen to, I might not have heard without him - though I never knew of him while he was alive (too young + too far away), but a lot of the bands got exposure because of his show.
22nd Aug
Ok, I'm back to talk more shite about music. So the riff to Oasis' Supersonic is what I would refer to as a breakfast riff. It's crunchy, it's nutritious, it's good for you. It makes your morning. You need to hear something so clear ringing out to you, as Noel's Les Paul.
Overall, if I'm supposed to be taking sides, I'm a Blur girl, mostly because of Graham (who is obviously my one true love, it's real with him, guys) but also Damon because he's clever and funny and sometimes humble and capable of emotional honesty. BUT Oasis write anthems and sometimes you need anthems to put their arm around you in a drunken 'tu mera bhai hai' manner. You need anthems to tell you you're going to live forever, one day you will be somewhere beautiful with the people you love and the weather will be perfect and you will sing this song and shit will be perfect (that's on my manifestos, I'll post the rest at the end) and I need to listen to the harmony on 'Columbia' and sing the high bits. So I give Blur their shambolic, self destructive Graham guitars and cynical-clever Brit commentary but I still love Oasis for their ability to say 'Fuck it mate, you and I are gonna live forever', that's what Noel said after he heard Nirvana's 'I hate myself and I wanna die', what he first said was I think 'I'm not fookin havin that' which though he misred the intent of the song, was totally great. It's like Lester said, the Richard Hells of the world, who wear their 'Please Kill Me' on their shirts (and may or may not mean business) are fine in their exploration of the Darkness but sometimes you just need a fucking good song to tell you what's what. When you feel fucking empty a lot and you hear a great riff that just rings through your confusion and anxiety, you hang on to it.
Ok, the other thing was about Wolf Alice who are now my imaginary best friends (I have a huge crush on Ellie and Joff) They're about the same age and have the sublime quiet then spiralling loud things, no, not like Nirvana but like Smashing Pumpkins. Not to say that they sound a lot like SP, they've got the same sort of balance. And they seem like 'bros' (it's good to see people being silly and having fun. And it helps if they're in drag) and they like the same music as me mostly (Bikini Kill and Mac Demarco being two good poles of the spectrum. Mac's been a good friend to me in the past few months) I found them on a blog from Sheffield when they had just one EP out and they're now blowing up playing Glasto, Reading etc, apparently they have a song on The Leftovers (Storms, first one I heard) And I feel weirdly proud. I feel like I know them. I know which shirt of Joel's Joff is wearing in one video and which jacket of Ellie's the genderqueer person in their videos 'she' and 'blush' is wearing and yes I know that's weird. But it's like The Arctic Monkeys. They were a band I'd heard on some emo Brit girl's myspace and they turned out to be so fucking good. I remember first hearing 'Bet that you look good on the dancefloor' and it was so raw and teenage and perfect (stop making the eyes at me and I'll stop making the eyes at you, what it is that surprises me is that I don't really want you to) I mean now they're legit popstars in tight pants and pomade and leather jackets and the 50s hip swinging and the same clever presonal/universal lyrics (AM was seemed relevant to me last year, coincidentally listened the shit out of it in Sheffield) but much more confident and sophisticated and diversely influenced pop sounds. Pop, yeah, it's very Brit (been hanging with Peel so his type of words rub off on me) because of studied methods, it's like a collage, it may be real and heartfealt but it sort of follows a tradition or builds off of one. There are clever nods and 'ooh la la la's - just listen to Mad Sounds, he's saying it all in there. Ok, god. So much bakchodi.
Just watched the Double. There's this beautiful scene where Simon is telling James about how he feels invisible. I love how Richard Ayoade is so crystal clear about his concepts, it's stylized to perfection, but not in an annoying way, but the whole world has this oppressive atmosphere, which is so surreal and beautiful on film to watch. The lighting is immaculate, like when he's on the train. And you don't see sunlight and the sky. And little gestures and things like a light fluctuating tell you that the whole world is conspiring against you.
The atmosphere is sort of Delicatessan's colours mixed with Kafka and Brazil.
5th September
I've made the mistake of sitting down and the exhaustion has turned my legs into dead weights. The fan is buzzing in my head, I can hear peoples voices echoing in this hall where they're now setting up lunch buffet and I'm totally dazed and cant recognize any words. Typical of my state when I'm just about to fall asleep. And now my fingers cant even move.
Was up till 330 drinking at Boss' house after dinner at a clients. Yeah, I know that's weird. The client is a she-demon who has made our lives miserable for the longest time and decided to 'show her gratitude' to us i.e invite us to a 'dinner' which was actually a way for her to suck ideas from us and treat us as a focus group while lubricating us with alcohol, which we ever so gratefully accepted, drinking her entire bottle of Glenfiddich and then going for the black label. I bolted up in bed instinctively when Shanks walked in at 515 to make coffee and pick up car keys.
I'm listening to out of tune teachers sing Bollywood oldies in MBK. The 12th graders are all dressed up and too busy taking pictures. Now they're all standing up and dancing in the back. I feel surprisingly warm looking around at these kids who are just about to leave school and most of their school year consists of taking pictures. I remember every event was a big deal when I was in the 12th because it was 'the last'.
Its all very surreal and amusing. I kind of feel like I'm floating in someone else's dream. We have chunks of free time in the middle and I'm just walking around the campus. I can't sit because I'll fall asleep. So I put on the raincoat and walk in the rain and observe the kids and the teachers. There's a tattoo wali ma'am wearing a black and white sari with a low backed blouse, I think the tattoo is a butterfly. I think she's a sardarni, she's tall and sturdy and pretty, but not in a floozy way like some crushyworthy schoolteachers are.
The boys are all dressed identically in kurtas and super tight nehru jacket/waistcoats and churidars. They're so funny the way they walk around together, preening. There's a kid with One Direction hair (actually there are several, the boys in this school have a weird penchant for hair flipping even when I was a kid) with at least 3 of his buttons open and a completely hairless chest peeking through. In general he's more hairless and groomed than I am. He's peacocking around on the basketball court. The senior girls are in blingy saris and ridiculous heels they can't walk in. They're all complimenting each other and squealing and taking pictures. The awkwardness and self consciousness is so much fun and strangely touching and nostalgic to watch, not that that stuff goes anywhere, it stays with you, you just stop being such a dumbass.
Its like being in a Coppolaesque teen movie but less angsty. More Bling Ring (some pretty affluent kids dressed like they're in a music video) than Virgin Suicides. I think teens are fascinating. I watched Palo Alto (Gia Coppola) again just now and yeah, it's pretty standard stuff, but it's shot and acted well by the kids. And wouldn't I wish I had a little Jack Kilmer to hang out with when I was in school (he's 19, I'm allowed to think he's hot). The Fred character seemed a composite of the psycho boys everyone knows who could be fun but were total assholes and you might feel sorry for later on.
I talk to some middle school kids about their teachers. Some of them are giggling and telling the others to be 'honest'. One badass writes 'My teachers are mean and I don't like them' or something like that on a card. I'm surprised at how confident these kids are. Like as soon as I point my camera at them they perform. Albeit with that typical classroom passage reading voice - 'thank you teachers for encouraging me. You are like my second mothers and you are always there for me' type stuff.
Its weird being here reminds me of random things from my school days, like how it felt to take off my shoes at the end if a day, like I can feel the exact hot feeling at the soles of my feet, or how my clothes smelled, a bit like they'd just been ironed, filled with dust and sweat.
Oh god these teachers are really out of tune. And off beat. Now the mic is screeching.
21 Aug (the black notebook)
Rereading John Peel's autobiography because I needed a friend. Having some pretty sophomoric thoughts re:fame and the feeling of closeness to a public figure, in light of Peel and listening to Oasis and Wolf Alice and maybe Robin Williams' death. Not sure if I can articulate it all (postscript: I couldn't). I feel close to Peel when I read the book, not just because I relate to a few things from his early life and his ideas. But also because I feel a genuine warmth radiating from everything he says, he was a sort of shy person who could be heard by millions of people and make an impact in their little daily lives and transmit that warmth to them. And he made me smile while reading in the metro. And of course that so much of the music I listen to, I might not have heard without him - though I never knew of him while he was alive (too young + too far away), but a lot of the bands got exposure because of his show.
22nd Aug
Ok, I'm back to talk more shite about music. So the riff to Oasis' Supersonic is what I would refer to as a breakfast riff. It's crunchy, it's nutritious, it's good for you. It makes your morning. You need to hear something so clear ringing out to you, as Noel's Les Paul.
Overall, if I'm supposed to be taking sides, I'm a Blur girl, mostly because of Graham (who is obviously my one true love, it's real with him, guys) but also Damon because he's clever and funny and sometimes humble and capable of emotional honesty. BUT Oasis write anthems and sometimes you need anthems to put their arm around you in a drunken 'tu mera bhai hai' manner. You need anthems to tell you you're going to live forever, one day you will be somewhere beautiful with the people you love and the weather will be perfect and you will sing this song and shit will be perfect (that's on my manifestos, I'll post the rest at the end) and I need to listen to the harmony on 'Columbia' and sing the high bits. So I give Blur their shambolic, self destructive Graham guitars and cynical-clever Brit commentary but I still love Oasis for their ability to say 'Fuck it mate, you and I are gonna live forever', that's what Noel said after he heard Nirvana's 'I hate myself and I wanna die', what he first said was I think 'I'm not fookin havin that' which though he misred the intent of the song, was totally great. It's like Lester said, the Richard Hells of the world, who wear their 'Please Kill Me' on their shirts (and may or may not mean business) are fine in their exploration of the Darkness but sometimes you just need a fucking good song to tell you what's what. When you feel fucking empty a lot and you hear a great riff that just rings through your confusion and anxiety, you hang on to it.
Ok, the other thing was about Wolf Alice who are now my imaginary best friends (I have a huge crush on Ellie and Joff) They're about the same age and have the sublime quiet then spiralling loud things, no, not like Nirvana but like Smashing Pumpkins. Not to say that they sound a lot like SP, they've got the same sort of balance. And they seem like 'bros' (it's good to see people being silly and having fun. And it helps if they're in drag) and they like the same music as me mostly (Bikini Kill and Mac Demarco being two good poles of the spectrum. Mac's been a good friend to me in the past few months) I found them on a blog from Sheffield when they had just one EP out and they're now blowing up playing Glasto, Reading etc, apparently they have a song on The Leftovers (Storms, first one I heard) And I feel weirdly proud. I feel like I know them. I know which shirt of Joel's Joff is wearing in one video and which jacket of Ellie's the genderqueer person in their videos 'she' and 'blush' is wearing and yes I know that's weird. But it's like The Arctic Monkeys. They were a band I'd heard on some emo Brit girl's myspace and they turned out to be so fucking good. I remember first hearing 'Bet that you look good on the dancefloor' and it was so raw and teenage and perfect (stop making the eyes at me and I'll stop making the eyes at you, what it is that surprises me is that I don't really want you to) I mean now they're legit popstars in tight pants and pomade and leather jackets and the 50s hip swinging and the same clever presonal/universal lyrics (AM was seemed relevant to me last year, coincidentally listened the shit out of it in Sheffield) but much more confident and sophisticated and diversely influenced pop sounds. Pop, yeah, it's very Brit (been hanging with Peel so his type of words rub off on me) because of studied methods, it's like a collage, it may be real and heartfealt but it sort of follows a tradition or builds off of one. There are clever nods and 'ooh la la la's - just listen to Mad Sounds, he's saying it all in there. Ok, god. So much bakchodi.
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