Ok, so you know what sucks? Having insight. And understanding yourself and being able to process your emotions and know your weaknesses. Because I can do all that, I've always done that. I know my failings, my 'dark'(and twisty? Couldn't help but make a Grey Anatomy joke here) bits aren't hidden away or some deep unspeakable secret I never admit to myself, they are always chattering in my ear. They are always presenting me with morbid scenarios. They are always, unceasingly reminding me that they are right there. Which makes them mundane, they don't possess the weight of crippling sudden self realization or sadness. They are my bitter, ugly neighbours and my mind is a chawl. The part that sucks is that we - we as in me + all those mes that live in the chawl with me, define myself. We say 'this is what you are'. And it becomes a self fulfilling prophesy. It becomes me. It becomes inertia, it becomes a ball and chain at my feet, it becomes the neverending noise of youcan'tdoits.
That's why the people who I admire, the people I'm drawn to are the ones that make their failings an art. That go out and give away and scatter their weaknesses, make them a carnival. Their insides live on the outside. Exposed. They throw open the windows of their minds.
Those are the kind of people who invite you to the world.
You just have to allow yourself to accept.
That's why the people who I admire, the people I'm drawn to are the ones that make their failings an art. That go out and give away and scatter their weaknesses, make them a carnival. Their insides live on the outside. Exposed. They throw open the windows of their minds.
Those are the kind of people who invite you to the world.
You just have to allow yourself to accept.
2 comments:
And this is the best thing I've ever read.
I think you do much the same. You're just juggling with words; those aren't weaknesses, for you still have the strength to acknowledge them, they haven't deluded you so as to make you escape them. That is what you are, a self aware being who's looking at herself from a third person point of view- this view is corrupted by the idiotic expectations of the world.
I think you do accept yourself, you probably don't want to. That's the thing with this world, it's too intrusive.
Look at me- I'm a microcosm of the world, telling you about yourself- giving out my unadulterated bullshit because I think I have an effect over you. I don't. You shouldn't let me have one. See, there I go again.
Its good you like it because I kind of hate it now, I thought it was alright when I was writing it but I get pissed off with these things once I post.
Also, it's not the "world's expectations" that are a problem, I hardly think the world has any expectations for me, it's probably what the mes expect of myself or what I expect from the world that is the problem. Its not anyone elses idea of what I am that I find limiting, it's my own.
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