Really Delhi? Really?
Its happened again? Another woman has become a statistic? Another person whose character, blood-alcohol levels, hemlines, time of leaving for home are scrutinized.
I was sitting with my male colleagues drinking covertly in office, and they were dumbfounded. Men, were dumbfounded that its still happening, and here we are wondering everytime an autowala takes a turn we're not familiar with 'is this my rape?'. Isn't it about fucking time you give a shit about violence being done upon yet another woman, her body and her life being laid up for scrutiny? Her being not her own. Our notion of safety in our sanitized, organized, regulated spaces being wrenched from us. Us. People like us. People like us middle class women, who are supposedly cushy and safe in our lives with our drivers, our male friends, our coworkers, our fancy schools, our money. The fact is no one is safe. No woman. Because every time you walk down a road where the street lights don't work, or you have a late night, you are just as vulnerable as the next person. And that's because no one gives a shit about what happens to us. Its the truth, you could think I'm being dramatic, but it's the truth. You get physically or sexually assaulted, you're just another statistic, you report it, every aspect of your life becomes open to scrutiny, because obviously the woman has something to gain out of this horrific cycle of violence, but if you don't answer back you live with it forever, the sense of injustice, shame, the feeling of guilt towards yourself, the feeling of I could have done something different.
The guys were talking of the crime they've seen in front of their eyes, encounters, chain snatchings, murders, robberies. They all come from different parts of the country, some of them have seen routinized violence. That is out in the open. Where is the voice of their sisters? What have they gone through? Where is my voice, you'll never hear it. You'll never know what I've been through.
I see all the women in front of me on the metro. Me with several pegs of whiskey inside me. They're going on their lives, because they have to, the statistics are just another thing their parents tell them when they come home at night. They don't know silence is how we go on with our lives.
This is just my rage. As I listen to a man put himself in my shoes. 'Is my body my only trait in the eyes of men?' 'We blame her for being there'. As I go on with my life.
Postscript
So tonight, after a loud drunken night at a bar as we were paying the bill. Some guy said something to my friend's girlfriend. To the effect of 'I want to marry you' but they grabbed her hand as she tried to walk away and said something about her boobs. She called my friend and asked him to repeat what he had said which he didn't. Understandably he got pissed off, but of course since he is a young man full of testosterone, he decided to pick a fight instead of doing anything else, which only adds to our problem. Our other guys decided to talk to the manager who claimed he didn't hear or see anything. So they got pissed off too. . An altercation broke out with us tugging our male friends away and the drunk guys being still aggro. I begged them to go away and the guys friend pulled him away. Now it no,longer is about the woman to whom something was said. It becomes about a man and his anger towards another man, although justified. When he slapped this guy in the face, he was trying to prove a point, he thought it would stop him from doing it again. But the guy who did it will just remember it as a bar fight, some guy trying to be defensive. And that's all the guy will see At the parking lot we ran into them again until I told them to leave and his friend pulled him away from the situation. I felt shitty doing it but someone had to tell them that we don't want them around. And if its a girl pleading with them to walk away because we feel uncomfortable, it might make a difference to the sober one.
They went because the cops were around.
I know its bad to not say anything but a woman can choose to deal with her safety as she sees best. If she felt more safe walking away from the situation, you can't intervene in a way that makes it worse, or makes the situation more unsafe. Specially when she doesn't want you to get involved. We understand you're tired of sitting idly by while it happens over and over but that guy will not care about a slap in the face. Its about making him feel humiliated for what he does and says. I don't know how this whole circle will stop. I honestly don't have an answer.
Its happened again? Another woman has become a statistic? Another person whose character, blood-alcohol levels, hemlines, time of leaving for home are scrutinized.
I was sitting with my male colleagues drinking covertly in office, and they were dumbfounded. Men, were dumbfounded that its still happening, and here we are wondering everytime an autowala takes a turn we're not familiar with 'is this my rape?'. Isn't it about fucking time you give a shit about violence being done upon yet another woman, her body and her life being laid up for scrutiny? Her being not her own. Our notion of safety in our sanitized, organized, regulated spaces being wrenched from us. Us. People like us. People like us middle class women, who are supposedly cushy and safe in our lives with our drivers, our male friends, our coworkers, our fancy schools, our money. The fact is no one is safe. No woman. Because every time you walk down a road where the street lights don't work, or you have a late night, you are just as vulnerable as the next person. And that's because no one gives a shit about what happens to us. Its the truth, you could think I'm being dramatic, but it's the truth. You get physically or sexually assaulted, you're just another statistic, you report it, every aspect of your life becomes open to scrutiny, because obviously the woman has something to gain out of this horrific cycle of violence, but if you don't answer back you live with it forever, the sense of injustice, shame, the feeling of guilt towards yourself, the feeling of I could have done something different.
The guys were talking of the crime they've seen in front of their eyes, encounters, chain snatchings, murders, robberies. They all come from different parts of the country, some of them have seen routinized violence. That is out in the open. Where is the voice of their sisters? What have they gone through? Where is my voice, you'll never hear it. You'll never know what I've been through.
I see all the women in front of me on the metro. Me with several pegs of whiskey inside me. They're going on their lives, because they have to, the statistics are just another thing their parents tell them when they come home at night. They don't know silence is how we go on with our lives.
This is just my rage. As I listen to a man put himself in my shoes. 'Is my body my only trait in the eyes of men?' 'We blame her for being there'. As I go on with my life.
Postscript
So tonight, after a loud drunken night at a bar as we were paying the bill. Some guy said something to my friend's girlfriend. To the effect of 'I want to marry you' but they grabbed her hand as she tried to walk away and said something about her boobs. She called my friend and asked him to repeat what he had said which he didn't. Understandably he got pissed off, but of course since he is a young man full of testosterone, he decided to pick a fight instead of doing anything else, which only adds to our problem. Our other guys decided to talk to the manager who claimed he didn't hear or see anything. So they got pissed off too. . An altercation broke out with us tugging our male friends away and the drunk guys being still aggro. I begged them to go away and the guys friend pulled him away. Now it no,longer is about the woman to whom something was said. It becomes about a man and his anger towards another man, although justified. When he slapped this guy in the face, he was trying to prove a point, he thought it would stop him from doing it again. But the guy who did it will just remember it as a bar fight, some guy trying to be defensive. And that's all the guy will see At the parking lot we ran into them again until I told them to leave and his friend pulled him away from the situation. I felt shitty doing it but someone had to tell them that we don't want them around. And if its a girl pleading with them to walk away because we feel uncomfortable, it might make a difference to the sober one.
They went because the cops were around.
I know its bad to not say anything but a woman can choose to deal with her safety as she sees best. If she felt more safe walking away from the situation, you can't intervene in a way that makes it worse, or makes the situation more unsafe. Specially when she doesn't want you to get involved. We understand you're tired of sitting idly by while it happens over and over but that guy will not care about a slap in the face. Its about making him feel humiliated for what he does and says. I don't know how this whole circle will stop. I honestly don't have an answer.
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