Strange Beans

Finally writing out the stuff from my trip to McLeod etc. It was too brief but therapeutic. And now I’m restless again. I want to go back. Or go somewhere. Anyway, I’m writing it down. I’ll try to make it make sense but can’t guarantee. There's going to be a lot of stoned jokes when we were like 'OMG this shit is GENIUS dude you gotta write this down' which sound really lame when written down. The title refers to the Georges Melies film A Trip to the Moon and the strange beings who live on the moon. 

May 31 2013. There’s a Nepali (who I thought was Gujju) hari om type aunty sitting next to us. At Bhagsu again in the same place as last time. Zion. Smelly dreadlocked Lala has come to greet us and now taken refuge under the table of another dreadlocked lady. Kav and I had been wandering for 2 hours. Now she’s singing Edith Piaf. The Man chatted with us about ‘harami Punjabi’ dudes. (Disclaimer: There’s going to be a lot of generalizations and harami Punjabi dude bashing in this post, but you should know it refers to the particular kind of Honey Singh fans that come to the hills on the weekend to gawk at goris. I know the Honey Singh and lechery part applies to me as well, but you know what specific sort of harampanti I’m talking about. Hereafter I will refer to these men as Chandies. Though they could be from Dilli or most North Indian cities. Try not to take offense. Or do, it doesn’t matter really) He asks us what we Plan To Do which is the question we are trying to escape. Now he’s bitching about the couple who are in our to be room ‘kahan mar gaye salle? Mauj masti kar ke nikal rahe hain’. The Man tells us about the sadhvi. Apparently she used to be a jeans wearing long haired charas smoking ‘type’ and then she got involved with some 70-80 yr old sadhu a couple of years ago. Now she’s a saffron wearing pranic healing dhongi satvik type. He’s telling us about the strict rules against cutting trees here. He’s a boss. The fucking Israeli couple are lazing with breakfast and not GTFOing. Lala is chasing away other dogs but she lets a little blonde pup in after some hesitation. Been listening to my husband Frusciante all day and all of the night. The untitleds from Niandra Lades are the shizz. I even love when he starts screaming over those beautiful guitar sounds because his albums are like a personal history completely exposing his headspace. The beauty and screaming and confusion and junked out high pitched noises and fucking around with the 4 track or far out bits of backwards solos an layered voices are all part of his Syd Barrett phase. That’s what the inside of his head probably sounded like. Niandra was all those ideas bouncing around in his head post-Chilis beginning of hermit junkie phase. Smile from the Streets was his bad teeth sunken cheeks retreating into himself and a junk hole phase. Shadows Collide is cleaned up – both him and the sound. If it were a layer in an archaeological dig it would be the ‘mature phase’.

I look up from my book and the trees seem like they’re a distant slightly overexposed old photograph. We ate falafel and gossiped about celebs. Now sitting under an orange canopy in Namgyal drinking orange juice. Kavi is taking a power nap lulled by the sun and wind and exhaustion. I’m ready to fly off but am holding myself down. Untitled #2. All I can do is smoke Camels (holiday treat cigs). Watching the flags flapping. Kites and crows flying above the valley. The straws dancing in our empty glasses.

We took a little peaceful interlude among some trees just listening to the sounds on the road that goes up to the mountaineering institute and the meditation centre (beyond Common Ground). Now at Common Ground where the bros in the kitchen are listening to Taylor Swift (you belong with me). Some monks are playing chess and I’m doodling. I like the chilled out vibe here even if you’re not talking to people it’s nice to have them around. I made the monks look like shit.

Kavi and I had a very intense conversation at night about blocking out external voices and coming to terms with who you are (it sounds worse than it was). It was mostly about her brokenheartedness and my (as usual) insensitive attempts to plaster it. Some kids (israelis) are listening to Paint it Black and we sing along. Now we came into bed with books like a sexless couple but then started talking about beautiful women with REAL sex appeal (like Al Jazeera newsreaders with those lips man) and then went into a feminist/real girl life tirade about body image issues, then went on sordid personal stories and then #serious life motivation all because of the question ‘who was that actress from Kama Sutra?’ (Indira Verma)

Woke up after 10 hours of dead sleep. Smoked a no effect one hitter with some Israelis. The Man said ‘pakadna toh ata nahi chillum kya peeyegi moti’ (about chatty Israeli girl). Chatty girl talks away and says she fell asleep during the Dalai Lama’s teachings. She also says something about wanting a baby and her friend says that he will donate sperm. Ohkay. There’s a quiet one who has a childlike vibe, her name is Simone. She’s going to stay for a bit though these guys are leaving today. The chatty one tries to learn some Hindi from us. Momos at Norling. Take shelter from the rain in Common Ground. Chat with the man in the blue suede shoes before he runs home in the rain. Walking around post rain. We saw Amruta Patil (Hi! If you ever read this I love your work! Kari liketotally speaks to me) walking ahead of us and kindabutnotexactly followed. Stopped near the mountaineering centre to sit and listen to sounds again. Post rain is beautiful, everything quiet and chilly and clean. Distant rumbling of thunder, it’s washed away the traffic and horns of the morning when the Chandies were in full swing. The monkeys are slipping down the trees.

Ate pizza at Namgyal blessed out. Now smoking a cig at some place midway. A Russian lady is complaining about her friend trying to drag her to an IPL party. Came home and took out the vino. Had a private party with Die Antwoord, Icona Pop and Macklemore and the bed started creaking while we were grooving. Then went outside to drink and chatted with the man about eve teasers. Decided to undertake a social experiment. 3 Israeli kids. 1 architect dude from Bangalore, a local dude (?) and his French ladyfriend. The local dude was obviously named Shiva and talked all shantishantifullpower broken English with gestures and words from Herbrew and French etc. French girl was quiet and enigmatic and smiled her Mona Lisa smile and said nothing. Kav asked her what she did and she said something which Kavi heard to mean that she ‘worked for black people’, puzzled but determined to make conversation she asked her if she was a human rights lawyer or something, French woman pointed to her belt and Shiva said something about them making belts or jewelry and selling it across the country. I have no idea what the fuck she said she did but I smiled and nodded. Shiva did bakchodi as usual about Kasol, Ladakh, Goa and played a weird rubberband sounding instrument. One Israeli kid Mikhail played a blue guitar and had a nice voice. He as a Rohit (he looked like a stoned goat), except he thought that goats looked paranoid rather than stoned. His bro Nadav was a tall, lanky dude who walked a bit like one of those Gumby looking balloons, in long strides. He played a painted square dij. He was more of the straight man in this situation since they had a new friend named Eden who they met a month ago. She and Mikahil had their own stoned in jokes and Eden cackles, she has the look and animated way of telling stories as our friend Devix. Nadav says ‘see, they’re doing it again. I do not understand’ but laughs goodnaturedly. He says ‘he (Mikhail) is going for vipassana. We are going to be separated…’ They were funny. Shiva proclaimed his love for cheese garlic nan and ‘human mutton’ (???). ‘You know I can eat anything…my brother he no drink, no smoke, only veg but I am pssshhhhh’, Bangalore dude tries to prompt words out of him by saying ‘it’s like the flipside’ but he still has no idea wtf human mutton is and we laugh about it while Shiva clearly has no clue. 

The Bangalore dude is grateful we respect architects, he's in a band but I don't know which one, but for the time being he sings Rocky Racoon with Mikhail and Nadav. He's here with his girlfriend who is asleep so he's just chillin with these homies. He doesn't smoke but shared some of our nasty-ish wine. Everyone's faces when they tasted the wine were hilarious. Shiva of course only drinks Bordeaux etc.They bring out some French cheese which they put on their biryani. An English woman came and she said she came from 'Wildness *said breathlessly*' which was actually Wild Nest (?) Her friends pet Lala and do a little Luna Lovegood dance to which the Israelis say 'it's always like this there'. At some point we were talking about bar mitzvahs and other ceremonies and Kavi says she knows how to dance to Hava Nagila. So we sing Hava Nagila for Eden since it was her birthday yesterday. They tell us about an Israeli standup comic. The jokes - you're stoned and you go to the shop say 'milk milk milk I have to buy milk. You get there and you're like GIVE ME ALL YOUR CANDIES *Eden makes her eyes really wide*. It's better when you're stoned. There's another one about ordering a pizza before you smoke some and getting all your favourite toppings put on it. And you're bombed by the time the doorbell rings so you look at the pizza and go 'how did you know!'. I swear it was funny at the time. According to Shiva Dev Anand studied in Dharamshala.

Bix is finally here and has graduated to smoking in front of his dad. Lala is in a bad mood.

I have to make a joint for one of the dude who works here. I said 'theek hai bana doongi, par shayad acha nahi banega' and he goes 'acha bana do na' as if I have no other choice. The bag in which our leftover pizza is packed is called 'Plumpy Nut' and it says its 'therapeutic food meant for children with severe malnutrition' which basically IS Kavi. She's drunk/stoned and has the giggles. Plumpy Nut should be called Nut de la Plumpy in French. It says it is 'plumpified'. More on plumpy later.

That Put it Down on Me song is stuck in my head since Tuesday when some girl was grinding on me at the bar at Fork You. Now Kav and I BT each other by reminding each other of it.

Kav thinks the Man is being a bit overfamiliar when he was demonstrating how creeps try to act by grabbing my arm. Some of the Chandies today were creepin on us when we were walking to Bhagsu. One group were referring to us as 'billo rani' and disappeared when they started racing with each other. The other group kept mud mud ke gawking and started inexplicably shouting Chak De Chak De. 

Woke up at 3 am almost screaming 'bachao' (I'm filmy like dat) after I dreamt some guy grabbed my throat and say 'mar ke gadh doonga'. Was paranoid for an hour. Listened to the Velvets and Miles and drifted off to sleep.

In the morning the Israelis have breakfast with Kaushik and his girlfriend. The girls are playing backgammon. The girlfriend Sheena seems cool. And pretty. She's been here for a month and was up in Triund till yesterday. I pet Lala for an hour in the sun and Nadav says 'dogs life is the life'. Mikhail gives her toast till she's bored of him, he thinks she looks like she's wearing a skirt (her dreads are concentrated on her lower half).

I'm listening to Fugazi and thinking of someone who doesn't exist anymore. He was in one of my dreams last night in the form he's now frozen as, with his ET fingers. I never met him but sometimes he sneaks into my head when I'm out somewhere, so in a way I take him along on all the trips we imagined. In the breaks in Waiting Room, I can hear Shiva laughing and it makes me anxious. 

There's a couple of girls in the shop next to German bakery trying on clothes and they have really nice bodies. Some local dudes are blatantly staring and I'm not so blatantly staring. There are now cute children playing on the staircase and a little girl in a shiny jacket fixes her hair in front of the mirror.

Something about this place always gives me a spidery trip. Their breakfast stuff is good BUT they play Floyd all the time (that too only Dark Side it seems) and in the overcast weather it pulls you down a bit. You don't want to start the day with an album about madness. Specially since they keep playing On The Run on repeat and stopstart it from the middle. To make it worse there's a bakri here who keeps doing mehhh. Yesterday we thought it was part of the mix. And you can't even see where it is, it makes you think you're crazy. 

Bix seems to have a cute pahari girlfriend. She's all salwar kameez and long hair and nonchalance. He playfully whacks her on the head, too cute.

At Out of the Blue now. My 'mountain goat' instincts (which only seem to work in the mountains since I have zero sense of direction otherwise) managed to get us here. Captain Murugan is a proud daddy watching his Ishika kutti play. 

Here are the genius ideas that Kav and I had while walking around stoned in the woods while it was raining.

1) Lonely Island song about walking in the rain intensely. This now sounds super lame but you have to hear it in an Adam Samberg voice about 'walkin in the rain, no pain no gain, ain't no shame in bein crazy insane' etc.

2) Axe ad. So the two of us are walking in the rain and I'm telling Kav about a scene from a film from the 30s called Miss Frontier Mail in which Fearless Nadia is flirting with her boyfriend. So anyway this tall elfin dude walks past us with an umbrella and we have this genius idea about an axe ad. So 2 chicks walkin in the rain. Hot guy walking towards them. Girl 1 "Yeh toh bahut sundar yuvak hai Kaveeta" Girl 2 "Sahi kaha Saveeta". *pyar hua iqrar hua starts playing and we get under his umbrella. Smell the axe and bom chika wowow the clothes come off*

3) There was a man who looked pastel because of his sunburn. Like Prada Candy colours. He walks by and he sees us laughing like 'yeah man we're geniuses' and smiles wistfully like 'I used to be like you'. Kav and I discuss how he's probably thinking 'I used to be like you now I'm bald, divorced and look pastel' which he probably could have heard. We think he'd probably have a breakdown like 'I came here to escape the truth but it just slapped me in the face. These girls can see right through me' and start crying and freaking out. Yeah see I told you you had to be there.

Cpt. Morgan tells us that Rohan Marley's birthday party happened here. Also he tells us that there was some dude who came with Russian chicks and tried to get into the party but he threw them out. We walked through the woods to Naddi (?). Passing many prayer flags. Light through the trees which Kav tripped out on. Kav tries to hug me and emotionally distant as I am I don't realize and say 'oh you're leaning on me'. Tibetan grrrls drinking breezers and chilling with the view. Return rapping Gucci Gucci etc.

Some girls in OTB play Saigal Blues and I have to light a cigarette for tradition. 

Kav is having an idea for a stoner bag which she'll sell to Hermes which remembers what you want and where it's kept with super efficient pockets.

Now here's another stoned idea. For an Ad for Nut de la Plumpy. 2 French ladies in a bistro 'une nut de la plumpy sil vous plait'. Cut to a gigantic man in Plumpy Nut factory with his balls hanging out. Cut back to French ladies in a bistro. Ooh lala nut de la plumpy.

The grrrls are now listening to Tennu Le and all my favs. Krambo the puppy is my favourite blonde in these parts but he's been hanging with the hippies too much and he's a getting all free love on me. Straight for the frenching. Now that we've been intimate I guess I have to marry him but my folks won't mind since he's a pahadi. I had another genius ad for puppy smell perfume which ends with a hot girl holding the guy on a leash but you've had enough of my stoned ideas now.

Some dudes downstairs are talking to Murgs 'Lagta hai poora punjabi gaon idhar aa gaya hai'. Murgs says 'bahut maar khate hain. Zindagi mein itna zyada kabhi nahi khaya hoga'. 

Creepers want to take a picture with us and we say no thank you, few steps below us some poor phirangs who are too polite to say no are posing with some other guys. On the way a bald firang was like 'hellooooo larki larki, how are you larki'. Ohkay then. We saw yet another head to toe orange thing who was staring into space and then stumbled down to ask us the time. And we answered in chorus 'six' in cute little voices which probably fucked with his head a bit.

We go to Munchies where the Israeli kids are sitting with their countrymen and chatting in rapidfire Hebrew.

Mikhail has bought a flute aur usse feel aa rahi hai. He's imagining himself to be in a medieval castle with jesters dancing with beer. 

Sheena's American friend Russell is back from Triund with patches of pink and a Rudolph nose. He's studying international relations. Simone is here too. There's a nice vibe in the tent. We're drinking rum in cut open plastic bottles. The girl with the sprained ankle Shubha has made her way down too. She's hardcore. She's ill but still made her way down. These guys spotted weird creatures in the woods which could have been bears or monkeys or goblins? They were coming down from acid thought so.... you never know. Russell's friend the intimidating looking (he looks like he belongs in some medieval fantasy film, tall and longhaired) but gentle german dude Fred and Shubha have some vibes going on. In the morning she's teaching him backgammon and he wins but gives her kisses in return. He's a film student but also studied business and now works in a newspaper that he doesn't like earning money doing graphic design. He also plays jazz piano but gets down to Biggie. He speaks in a baritone and we keep pestering him to do a scary German voice, apparently Tax Report is the most menacing German phrase. Russell and Kav and I chat about Pretty Lights and Purity Ring and the like. He says that it's great to meet people from across the world who have the same taste in music. Simone says she has a crush on dreadlocked Mowgli looking dude Andreson (his name is fun to say - Aandrreysone) and says 'I'm blushing' and slinks into her jacket, too cute. Andreson is kind of cute in a scruffy way, he's super mellow and doesn't say much but smiles enigmatically he speaks real slow. Except Kav says she saw him stuffing his face like a wolf and then when he saw her looking he just smiled contentedly with food smeared all over his face. Strange bean. 

We all decide to go to Welcome eventually. (written on a napkin) In Welcome, really tripped out place. Wouldn't have come if everyone wasn't coming, but its a social experiment anyway. Tripped out women doing 'Indian gypsy dances' with some banjara man singing and a little girl dancing who I'm afraid might be on some substances because her manic laughter is the same as that of the women but it disturbs me more. It feels exploitative. Everyone is sitting around on low tables with candles. We're sitting with a Canadian couple. The Alt kid waiter nearly gets knocked over by the overzealous dancers but deftly shoves them out of the way. There's a guy who thinks he's Ranbir Kapoor in Rockstar (he's got a turban sort of thing on his head etc) and he's taking up a lot of footage. We decide to step outside because this is getting a bit much for us. It's Jessica's (the English lady who plays violin and said she came from Wildness) birthday. There's an Irish guy playing guitar and singing bluesy folksy stuff very intensely and a guy who looks like either Jesus or Judas playing guitar and harmonica with him. Everyone eats Bhagsu cake. Me and the B'lore couple stand in a corner and make fun of people and sing along occasionally. They're chill.

Kav is talking to a guy who looks like Bob Geldolf. Bob Geldolf makes space for her to sit and goes to sit on his friend's lap. 60 yr old bromance, how cute.

Our Israeli friends are nowhere to be seen, though they were the ones who told everyone to come. There are women dancing on my head and when Jessica blows out her candles wax flies all over me. Kav's note: The singing of Happy birthday lasted for an inordinately long time with everyone on their own trip hhhhhhhhhaAAAAAAAAAAhhhhappppyeeeeeeee bbbiiiirrrrbirrrthdayyy. We weren't sure if the birthday cake/cookies were just cookies. Not that it mattered but just to be sure. 

We return early-ish and smoke a j and turn in since things are quiet and they've closed the tent. Kav and I watch Almost Famous on her laptop and I'm so stoned that hearing America (simon and garfunkle) play gives me goosebumps because it feels like I'm hearing it for the first time. 

I fell asleep to Joni Mitchell and woke up to hail. It was still raining hard when I came out. Shiva + a creepy baba who had offered us a place to stay earlier are doing backchodi about boomshiva and transcendental meditation. Mikhail is pretending to be interested, Russell is not even pretending. There's an American chick with them who is interested though. Mikhail listens to Nina Simone on my headphones and browses saying I've got good music. Him and the American are exchanging songs. Russell and I are on twin headphones. We're grooving to my favs, Frusciante, John Mayall, Hendrix, Sky Rabbit, Shakeys, Adam and the FEP. Fred comes out and busts out the 90s hip hop. He plays Pharcyde's 'Drop' and I gasp like 'BRO I FUCKIN FEEL YOU'. The sun is out, sky is clear, everyone's here and on a good trip. Eden is smoking away with some people including Shiva and a cheeky faced Israeli kid who makes me anxious because he looks like he's up to something. I'm being tempted to stay but don't for some reason. Our last day here, bittersweet. 

They were playing Bon Jovi on the speakers and now since the far out types are here they're playing ethno-techno shit. We all retreat into our headphones and books in the tent. I bought two cards from Sheena and had her sign them. One is a girl who is half comb and the other is a girl who is half octopus. They're going on my wall. I have coffee shakes/Betty Draper syndrome but I'm drinking more caffeine. 

Some really interesting conversation here. Fred, Russell and us talk about corruption and how different it is in Germany and India. Organized, rule oriented Germany with rules about the length of your plants or of using toilet paper in public loos and 'janta nahi mera baap kaun hai' India. We talk about our own and the country's apathy. Fred's folks traveled to India when they were kids so he's living out the legacy. We listen to German rap and talk about films, bands, books etc. I like arranging oldschool meetings without phones. Like I'll meet you there, eventually. And drawing a map.

The paying and moving our shit is a drag though our Man is generous with the discountin.

Kav says it's nice to know that it's nice to know that everyone is looking for that one thing they can do or even THE thing that excites them, everyone, us, Fred, Sheena (she quit her job, looking to do something with art), Russell (not studying when he's supposed to, like me), Simone (scared of going to Uni), even the Israeli trio (out of the army for a bit where they had desk jobs, then did agriculture....? for a while) Somehow people feel stimulated after a while here though it's easy to get sucked into slackfest and lose your mind. I'm useless but not for long. 

We discuss the many strange beans we saw, like the raver girl who looked like a bird of multicoloured plumage with rainbow hair and club kid makeup and clothes. There was a Hare Krishna phirang uncle of considerable vintage who walks around with his iktara and a little mic singing along on his own trip, there were some psychedelic tie dye wearing 68 vintage uncles hanging around scraggly but smiling like 'I've seen some things mayn'. Another type is the 'Earnesto'. The college student/professor earnest types who come to learn and observe and have a wide eyed look. Like the birdwatcher we saw or many bespectacled people wandering around with notebooks and plucky strides. 

Fred Flinstoned thinks swag sounds like it means 'a second penis', like 'that guy's got swag'. Gives a new meaning to the word.  We tell him that we should make a rap video together and he shows me his fisheye camera which I am coveting hardcore now. I give everyone chits (I keep little post its in my wallet where I write down lyrics or things from books etc and give them away to people, sometimes they read like fortune cookies). Russell is photobombing everyone and his chit says 'your dreams are sweet and obsessed and you're overworked/you're overcome with visions of being overlooked' (The Strokes) so that's pretty accurate. Sheena's is a heavy quotation from Nabokov's memoirs Speak Memory about life, something like 'our existence is but a brief crack of light between two eternities of darkness'. Freds is 'last night what we talked about it made so much sense but now the haze has ascended it don't make no sense anymore' (Arctic Monkeys - Fake Tales of San Francisco) which I think is accurate for everyone's conversations throughout this trip. Kaushik's is from a PJ Harvey song called Happy and Bleeding 'fake fruit flower myself inside out for you', which doesn't really seem to have any relevance to his life. Shubha tells us about her many jobs - journalism, advertising, event management and how she's going down to Goa after the hills. She's been in the hills for 2 months. Like I said, hardcore. Hers is my favourite chit 'I have dreamed of you so much you are losing your reality'

When Kav and I were eating in Tom Yum Thai the dudes were playing electronica but started playing 80s senti shit like 'I don't wanna live without your love' types. Then 'fire burning inside my soul. Stop running away from the ways of love', we think all of Bhagsu should come out and sing this for our fairwell with chillums booming inside their souls. It'd be epic. Our new phrase after Chandies is 'hella chandies', like 'yo, lets not go down to McLo yet there are some hella chandies down there' (during the weekend when all the cars/buses are taking the weekend trippers away and they crowd all the roads honking away)

Our last hours were spent in Common Ground which is great. We smoke a J and drink french press coffee and eat. Kaushik's eating some rum ball type thing which we obviously take to be Nut de la plumpy and burst into the giggles. After grossing him out I actually do want to eat the damn thing though because it tastes good, except it's too sticky and getting it off the damn spoon is a chore. 

Everyone exchanges emails and discloses their embarrassing 8th grade emails like surferdude69, hardcorebrahmin (!), woofwoof etc. We say goodbye and see you again and Kav and I make our way down. There's some chutiyap with our bus where we have to go down to Dharam to catch it instead of Mc Lo. On the bus a dude is playing 'Lakk 28' and I whisper the lyrics so that he doesn't see me. There's a weird threesome of a really campy guy who is flirting with two flirty giggly girls behind us. On the bus back I stay awake as usual and listen to music all night and look out the window feeling wistful but not bummed out. 

Here's a playlist.