[last night]
I've had it. Irfan Habib and his painstaking studies of the Mughal Land Revenue system are killing my spirit. Waise bhi budhau ki ek taang departure lounge mein hai, lekin kabhi mujhe mil gaya, toh by god mere hathon se qatl ho jayega. I can't say I'm the most dilligent of students. I just kinda fucked up my year by missing an entrance exam for a course I actually wanted. I almost studied for the wrong exam (the one day after). It's because I'm 'callous and complacent' and because I'm so used to riding on other people's coat tails and somehow having things fall into place. I hate having 'potential' and being totally inert. It's like my subconcious is weirdly nihilistic but fatalistic at the same time. I guess now I'll have to resort to my plan B of becoming a professional dominatrix (Dressing like you're in the Matrix and beating the shit out of people? Best.shit.ever).
I take a break to eat at 11pm and watch Community but the batti has gone and I'm sitting outside in moonlight and phonelight. I look like a destitute 12 year old boy and I've been sitting at my desk so long that I feel like one of those rishi-munis in mythological shows on TV who start sprouting branches and have creatures nesting on them.
Walking to the bathroom or to the fridge like a zombie feels like a vacation. I went up to my chatt today after ages just to take a walk (for the duration of 4 songs)...and sing because I felt like it but I still feel too stifled. I want to be out there but have the door closed at all times. I haven't smoked a cigarette or had a drink (ok I drank some beer on Saturday but a negligible amount) since whenever I got ill basically and a part of my soul has died. The furthest I've gone out of my house is to B.P. one time. I know these are very juvenile things to complain about but I'm 20, what else am I going to complain about? The taxes?
What's been making me feel marginally better while stuck in this situation? Far fetched fantasies, looking at pictures of my friends and thinking of what we'll do together over the summer. And lots of loud punk rock. Bad Religion, Teenage Bottlerocket, The Ergs, Gogol Bordello, The Germs and....
The Kominas I wish I had their swagger, singing awesome, irreverent punk songs in Punjabi (Their song "Chaku" uses Bari barsi. I was in a school of Punjabi gundas for 8 years where we regularly shouted 'bari barsi khatan gayasi khatke le anda soda jisne (person's name) ko na mara voh salla bhenkaloda and targeted some random person to beat up. Learned nothing from that place but swearing and fighting, very valuable lessons, but.)
This video makes me want to chill with my bros :( And make slowmotion good music goodtimes videos of us [walking to MI2 theme song!]
Now it's 230 and I'm outside again. It's all dark. Except for red lights on top of buildings in the distance. The inverter beeps like an extinguishing heartbeat in the ICU. Brilliant time for a power outage. Sleeping was the only thing I thought I'd do right. It's so fucking still outside I'm trying to shake off the macchars on the swing on my balcony. Inverter screams out a dramatic exit. There's finally some wind on the other balcony facing the garages. And the lights come on again.
Goodnight
I've had it. Irfan Habib and his painstaking studies of the Mughal Land Revenue system are killing my spirit. Waise bhi budhau ki ek taang departure lounge mein hai, lekin kabhi mujhe mil gaya, toh by god mere hathon se qatl ho jayega. I can't say I'm the most dilligent of students. I just kinda fucked up my year by missing an entrance exam for a course I actually wanted. I almost studied for the wrong exam (the one day after). It's because I'm 'callous and complacent' and because I'm so used to riding on other people's coat tails and somehow having things fall into place. I hate having 'potential' and being totally inert. It's like my subconcious is weirdly nihilistic but fatalistic at the same time. I guess now I'll have to resort to my plan B of becoming a professional dominatrix (Dressing like you're in the Matrix and beating the shit out of people? Best.shit.ever).
I take a break to eat at 11pm and watch Community but the batti has gone and I'm sitting outside in moonlight and phonelight. I look like a destitute 12 year old boy and I've been sitting at my desk so long that I feel like one of those rishi-munis in mythological shows on TV who start sprouting branches and have creatures nesting on them.
Walking to the bathroom or to the fridge like a zombie feels like a vacation. I went up to my chatt today after ages just to take a walk (for the duration of 4 songs)...and sing because I felt like it but I still feel too stifled. I want to be out there but have the door closed at all times. I haven't smoked a cigarette or had a drink (ok I drank some beer on Saturday but a negligible amount) since whenever I got ill basically and a part of my soul has died. The furthest I've gone out of my house is to B.P. one time. I know these are very juvenile things to complain about but I'm 20, what else am I going to complain about? The taxes?
You're dreams are sweet and obsessed
And your overworked
You're overtaken by visions of being overlooked
What's been making me feel marginally better while stuck in this situation? Far fetched fantasies, looking at pictures of my friends and thinking of what we'll do together over the summer. And lots of loud punk rock. Bad Religion, Teenage Bottlerocket, The Ergs, Gogol Bordello, The Germs and....
The Kominas I wish I had their swagger, singing awesome, irreverent punk songs in Punjabi (Their song "Chaku" uses Bari barsi. I was in a school of Punjabi gundas for 8 years where we regularly shouted 'bari barsi khatan gayasi khatke le anda soda jisne (person's name) ko na mara voh salla bhenkaloda and targeted some random person to beat up. Learned nothing from that place but swearing and fighting, very valuable lessons, but.)
This video makes me want to chill with my bros :( And make slowmotion good music goodtimes videos of us [walking to MI2 theme song!]
Now it's 230 and I'm outside again. It's all dark. Except for red lights on top of buildings in the distance. The inverter beeps like an extinguishing heartbeat in the ICU. Brilliant time for a power outage. Sleeping was the only thing I thought I'd do right. It's so fucking still outside I'm trying to shake off the macchars on the swing on my balcony. Inverter screams out a dramatic exit. There's finally some wind on the other balcony facing the garages. And the lights come on again.
Goodnight
12 comments:
Have you seen taqwacore yet? that's a pretty dope film - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jTkaqHhmpws
they had a screening at school a couple years ago,with michael knight in attendance, but i missed it. there was someone else, who covered choli ke peeche kya hai (maybe the kominas?)which was insane.
I was right! - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DwD7qInOWtc
I was hungover and sick all day yesterday. I only realized that getting super drunk that day wasn't right (I'm not going to say wrong) when I remembered people asking us- 'oh achha exams khatam hogaye?' hahah.I love these guys dude. I can't believe I never told you that I added Basim Usmani on facebook when I was rather smitten after msging him for work. I removed him though when I was de-friending people I don't know. Don't want to spoil a future connection, if ever there is one from being creepy.
I re posted comment cause I wanted to add something but I forgot again. boliyan punjabdiyaan karni hai yaara. zara daru vich pyaar mila de and all.
AHAHAHHA the word verification I just got was 'bropille'. for some reason i'm finding it hilarious.
this song rules :D sorry I'm re-commenting a million times.
I can't believe he's married. Why are all the men I love married?
Our bro pilla was not in HT city yesterday, btw.
Yaar, worst was realizing next day how much I had fucked up my exam. 3 fucking questions. 3rd one fucked up anyway, 4th toh chodho. But 12 hour drinking marathon really was needed.
"Ghup andhera vich jara niqaab chuko". *sigh* Koi mujhe keh de toh hai main marjawan. :D
dil de chuki hoon mein youtube ko it's pretty intense this time. sorry if i'm infringing on your ishq di gaddi but dil kya kare bro.
And I love all their faces at that moment. at chuko. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAisa kyun hota hai pyaar deewana and all bhaijaaaaaan. yaar devddevd khelna hai padhai ki mkfuckinchut. now i'm poof gone (hopefully).
I just woke up singing 'mere philly vich charche hain philly philly' ahhhhh. TOO MUCH.
Koi nahi yaara, saddi gaddi to goodwill de naal chaldi hai. Tu toh hamesha mere dil mein shotgun ride karti hai. D se devdevd d se do do exam d se dimaag ka dahi.
(Our attempts at Punjabi are so much better than Siddh's. Bhen di phuddi!)
Post a Comment